


The Morning After

by glittergrenade



Category: New Warriors
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Mentions of Rape, References to self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 13:38:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4921654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glittergrenade/pseuds/glittergrenade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Speedball and Justice, like two sides of a heart. It was inevitable that they'd have sex eventually, and when they did it was unquestionably the best night Vance had ever had. It's not till the morning after when things might fall to pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Morning After

**Author's Note:**

> SPEEDJUSTICE... yeahhh :)

The first night Vance and Robbie became one was beautiful, amazing, and couldn't be more perfect. They were in love and they were together and this new special bond they created could ever never leave their hearts.

A few hours later, Vance woke up to the sound of sobbing.

Oh damn. Oh damn. He wasn't used to dealing with this anymore, seeing as how they had separate rooms in Wundagore, and somehow he had lead himself to believe that Robbie was better now, he was most likely all okay, mostly. And why the hell was he so upset after sleeping with Vance?? Did he regret it?? Did he not actually love him?? Shit, _be calm_ , Vance told himself, _it's his trauma maybe. It's Stamford maybe. That tragedy permanently scarred his soul and no matter how he feels about you, his guilt for that will always trump it... maybe._

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Shit!!! Robbie didn't really love Vance, he was mentally ill for Pete's sake, it was mood swings, hormonal imbalances, Robbie must have slept with him on a desperate feeling which was definitely long gone now. And now it would be Vance's fault for taking advantage of Robbie's mental instability. Dammit.

_Damn me!_

Robbie was still crying, sitting up now with his head buried in his arms. The sun was just starting to rise outside the window, and the dim light glinting on Robbie's naked form seemed to accentuate the pale scars that traced every inch of his handsome body.

Shit!!!

Vance sat up cautiously. He wanted to wrap his arms around Robbie, hug him, hold him close against his skin and whisper sweet nothings that everything would be alright. It sucked. He used to hold Robbie all the time, back on the roadtrip. Robbie would scream himself awake and Vance would rock him and promise again and again that everything would be okay, that Robbie deserved to forgive himself, that Robbie hadn't murdered all those children in that school. It didn't help to avoid the topic since Robbie was always thinking about it anyway.

That was the past. Vance couldn't put his arms around Robbie now. Not when Robbie was almost definitely upset and confused and broken by what had just taken place… God, was it rape? Robbie had sworn between the sheets that he loved Vance the night before, but if that had just been delusions of his mind… had Vance technically raped his own best friend?

 _Oh my God. Oh. My. God._ Vance tried not to hyperventilate, but it wasn't easy.

Vance lay down again and stared at the ceiling, a horrible feeling bubbling in his chest. He couldn't touch Robbie now, it would be horribly wrong. But… he couldn't just lay there let Robbie cry, could he?

"Robbie," he whispered softly, and when that received no response, he tried again louder: "Robbie."

Robbie choked, and looked at him. It wasn't easy, but Vance forced himself to meet those baby blue eyes. Robbie looked miserable. There wasn't much else he could see but pure dejection in those eyes.

Vance pondered for a second about sitting up again, but he decided the better of it. Don't move. Don't seem threatening, Vance you monster. "Hey Robbie," he greeted softly.

There was a silence, as Robbie seemed to be trying to calm himself down enough to speak. At last: "Hey," Robbie answered tersely, but it sounded like his throat was full of tears. He coughed. There was another silence between the two of them.

"I don't know what to say," Vance admitted presently. Shit. He felt like shit.

"It's okay." Robbie paused. "You don't have to say anything. I'm getting over it. The nightmares are less frequent than they used to be, and less bad. I'm fine."

"No, Robbie…" Vance paused. He didn't know how to go on. If only he could see inside Robbie's head! Obviously Robbie wasn't 'getting over it'… how long had it been since Stamford? But that wasn't even the point. _Die, Vance, you should literally just die._ "I'm… oh my God, Robbie, I'm so sorry. Last night…"

"Was a mistake?" Robbie finished instantly, and his voice sounded almost like a question. Vance's heart plummeted at the dreaded words, but Robbie went right on. "Mistake. Yeah. Obviously, eww. Oh my God, like, what actually happened? Can we still be friends and forget it ever happened? Was I good in bed? Because you sure were."

Vance stared at him for a few moments in silence. Robbie seemed wistful now, almost pleading. Vance looked him up and down. "Are you literally joking?"

"Heh, you know me." Robbie scratched his stringy long golden locks and looked away. "I just meant lucky Angelica, whenever the heck you guys get back together. It's okay y'know, Vance. It's okay for even a guy who's as straight as you to sleep with another man once in his life… it's what reenforces that he's so straight."

"Wait…" Vance paused, his thoughts zooming so fast through his head that his breath caught. "You like me, or…?"

Robbie's face reddened. "I thought I'd embarrassed myself for you last night, Vance, what is it you wanna hear from me now?"

"I thought…" it all came out in a rush. "Robbie, I thought you only slept with me because you were depressed and you wanted to forget yourself, and maybe you convinced yourself that you loved me because you were desperate for something good in all your sad in your brain and the guilt and—"

"Hold up, hold up!" Robbie waved his hand. "You thought all _that_? Based on what?"

"Uh…" Good question. Well, Robbie had been sobbing (not tears of joy) just hours after sex, and sure of course Robbie was messed up (to put it kindly) and all that, but still… if it was true love, shouldn't've being with Vance helped Robbie at least a little?? At least to the point that he wouldn't have a nightmare so bad he cried even when he woke up? Robbie had never been a big cryer.

"Vance." Robbie sighed. "Next time you worry in circles, let me know, okay? I'm not depressed. I stopped being Penance a long time ago, I'm basically over it. And I've always loved you. Even when you were with Angelica and I was hitting on Turbo and Timeslip and whoever else, I always loved you. Before Stamford."

"Oh?" Sniffle. Oh crap, Vance was starting to cry now. That couldn't happen. He couldn't let it. "Then, Robbie… why were you so upset?"

"I…" Robbie paused. "I wasn't upset about you, Vance…"

"But you said you're not depressed." The corner of Vance's mind told him he was being a dick right now… Robbie had gone through worse than anybody deserved and he was hurting and Vance might've even just hurt him this night, and probably Vance should be comforting him right now, helping him, doing whatever he could for him… but fuck, instead he was obviously making Robbie uncomfortable. But this… this was important… Vance loved Robbie, and he wanted Robbie to feel the same. But if he didn't, that was the end of that, he wouldn't push him, and Vance would never forgive himself for hurting his best friend. Never.

Robbie looked away for a second, and Vance waited. Don't push him. That was the least he could do… even that sounded stupid. He might talk and he might not. Presently, Robbie took a deep breath and did respond. "Hey, funny story, remember that time a few minutes ago when I said that I was fine?" He paused for Vance to nod before continuing: "I lied. And it's not about you, Vance, you're the best thing that ever happened to me, that's why I hate to worry you with the shit in my head. But when you do a thing like I did — murder of 612 — it just isn't something that I can get through. It's not your fault, Vance. I love you and I always will but there's nothing in this world that can change the fact that I killed those children. There's nothing that can take that guilt out of me, and there's nothing that should. It doesn't mean you're inadequate (you couldn't be more perfect), it's just… me." He pulled an awkward laugh that made Vance's heart ache with pity.

"Robbie…" Vance paused, struggling to choke back tears. He couldn't cry, Robbie wasn't crying, and Robbie wouldn't like it if he cried. "C'mere." He took Robbie by the arm, pulling him down, and gently lifted his own body over Robbie's. "Baby," Vance kissed him softly, and Robbie closed his eyes. "Stamford wasn't your fault. Maybe there's nothing I can say to make you believe it, but there's definitely nothing you can say to change my certainty that it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known what would happen — and not to diss the dead, but you weren't the leader of the team." He kissed Robbie again, a sweeping kiss across his face, and Robbie sighed quietly. Vance whispered in Robbie's ear: "I love you too, Robbie. I was never as happy with Angel as I am with you. With her, it was all stress and passion and more stress… with you, it's just… it's _right_. So don't say 'when' me and Angelica get back together, because there is no 'when'. I want to be with you as long as you'll have me." He kissed Robbie again, this time longer, a little deeper. "I want you to be happy because I want the best for you, but I don't love you any less because you're sad. I want to help you through it, because I believe that one day you can be happy." He ran his tongue lightly along Robbie's neck. "I wish you could see how perfect you are to me, Robbie. You're a work of art."

Suddenly Robbie's eyes popped open. "Art? Because of my scars?"

"What?" Vance panicked — had he said the wrong thing? "No! Hell no. I mean, nothing against them, I mean, I don't want you hurting yourself, but they don't look bad, your spike design was pretty artistic, I mean, not in a positive way, I mean…"

"Shut up, Vance." Robbie blinked sleepily. "I'm just playin', I don't even know. You love me for what's inside, not for what's outside, and my hair gotta add to that. I appreciate that."

"You're sexy," Vance said, because it was true.

"Thanks," Robbie gave a half smile. "Did you know that the bleaching cream that self-hating black people use for skin lightening also helps fade scars?"

"Uh…" Vance stared at him. "You don't have to do that."

"I know." Robbie paused. "I prefer to. It makes me feel better about myself. Just sharing."

"Well, okay. If you want. But I want you know know that you're hot either way. Your scars hold your history, your struggles, your victories. You don't have to change yourself for anybody, especially not me." Vance straddled Robbie's naked body, put his arms behind his sweaty golden hair, and kissed his lips.

" _Dayum_ ," Robbie whispered, and kissed him back for a good twenty seconds before they both had to breathe. "Damn boy, I sure lucked out when I got you."

Vance smiled, then gasped. As he felt Robbie feel him softly, he couldn't help but feel that he was truly the one who'd lucked out with love.

**Author's Note:**

> PS ((btw, just in case anybody wanna know cuz its not widely known: that actually works. Skin bleaching creams work for fixing any discolorations, even self-harm scars (sorta)... disclaimer~ please don't hurt yourself tho, if any of you at all need to talk please message me ok? also to darkskin folks, just fyi, you're beautiful. beauty comes in all shades and thats truth ok and anybody who tells you otherwise is officially stupid!! Remember, Ice Cube be like "bye Felicia" and she's sure lightskin. so yeah again message me if you need to talk or anything again just sayin <3  
> PS  
> IM SO SO SORRY FOR GETTING SAPPY AND RANTY LOL OMG  
> ILYSM OK  
> THANK YOU FOR READING MY FIC


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